I’m moving to PNG.
On January 25th 2017.
And as the countdown begins I can’t help but feel a little trepidation. I know that once I’m gone I’ll have some element of peace. It’s like standing, perched, on the edge of the abyss, feeling the fear caress your heart and knowing that when you leap it will be replaced with living the moment. There’s no time to be scared when you’re falling. But the contemplation can be terrifying. And I think FAR too much.
So. Still trying to get my ducks in a neat little row. My tools are packed and I’m working on getting them shipped over there. (Hopefully they’ll get there within the next couple years so I can actually use them.)
Trying to get rid of everything that’s not going with me. Who knew it would be so hard? I’m excited to be able to pursue poverty a little bit more freely in the coming months.
All the paperwork’s sent in; so now it’s just a waiting, praying and (hopefully not) stressing game until I get my passport back. God willing it will be stamped with a two year visa.
I received my acceptance letter from Outreach International today. which is kinda nice since they’ll be able to accept donations and funnel funds to me.
Still talking with my church about support.
And… I think that brings everything up to date.
I struggle knowing what to share. I can’t help but feel I’m doubting God when I ask Him for something and then make the same need known to someone else. I can recognize that they’re His hand but it still seems feels faithless sometimes. I want to make myself vulnerable to the Church.
I got an opportunity to share lunch with a missionary here in the states and we talked about the benefit of openness in sharing about ministry. I’m probably too critical of others not being open about their struggles, sins and failures. Those things actually seem easier for me to share. On the other hand I greatly struggle to make my needs known. I was taught to be self-sufficient. Not to cry out for help but to climb out of the pits I fall into with my own two hands.
There is some benefit in this. But it leads me to denying others the place to participate in my life and ministry. My cousin talks about how God considers our fruits as belonging also to those who partner with us in ministry. And I don’t want to be guilty of denying others that blessing.
I know for sure that I want others to let me know when I can lend them a helping hand (or five bucks, or a football…) But it’s a struggle for me to not be hypocritical in this area.
And so, here are some needs and prayer requests:
I’d love to bring simple toys with me like Frisbees or Soccerballs, but they’re not in my budget right now.
I need to trust God as he calls me away from friends and family.
I need His peace.
I need… money. I’m currently about 10% funded and that doesn’t include any emergency funds or means of returning to the states.
I need to get rid of a lot of stuff. (cello, cold weather gear, canoe, etc.)
I need to be intentional about pursuing Church and Community in the time I have left in Colorado.
I need to be doing whatever God wants, specifically with preparing to leave. Whether that means learning more, seeking closure in relationships or supporting those who remain behind or whatever.
To those that read this. Please pray for me. And as always, stay in touch.